Child free Adulthood

is a mystery to me.

I saw the movie Closer last night and I was puzzled by several things.

At one point one of the characters says to another that she stayed up until 4AM reading a book the other character wrote. This one comment, irrelevant to the plot, gave me something to think about for awhile. That woman, a childless adult, 30-something (like me) could stay up until 4 and then wing it the next day. She might drink a lot of coffee or nap or call in sick or go to bed early. Staying up until 4am, which I do from time to time (once a year, more like it) would set me back a week.

Yet, staying up until 4am sounds fabulous. It sounds like college and Teach for America. It sounds like the good old days when I chose the things I wanted to do at the spur of the moment instead of being spurred on by things that are happening to me at any given moment. It sounds like adolescence. I am jealous of the luxury of staying up until 4am.

But the movie wasn't about reckless abandon in the area of time management. The movie was about four people whose names I can't even remember now. The script was written for the stage and it revolves around intense conversations between these four characters. Woman 1 and Man 1 get together. Man 1 meets Woman 2 and they kiss; Woman 1 knows. Man 1 accidentally connects Man 2 to Woman 2. They get together. Man 1 and Woman 2 have an affair. A year later they end their relationships and get together. Woman 1 and Man 2 hook up. Oh, it goes on and on. Two of them end up together, two end up alone. They run in circles.

It seemed so stupid. I wanted them to just grow up and be less self-involved. It seemed like the life they were living was about silly frivolous feelings of lust and personal frustrations. (I sound like my mother preaching at her kitchen table.) It seemed much removed from real life. Real life is good food and friends. And loyalty and commitment. Friendship. Accepting things as they are and really enjoying the here and now. Loving fully and unconditionally.

Not all child free adults are commitment-phobic or self absorbed. Many get the aforementioned real life ideas, but I can attest to the fact that having children and a husband put me on the fast track to understanding real life. It helped me to set aside the bullshit and dig into the real shit. So, I don't stay up until 4am, but I read myself to sleep every night.