Today I told Ramona to stop "talking in that way." She was being sassy. She's bossy. She knows what she wants. And that's no excuse. She was being rude. It's not cute all the time. It was rude.
I guess my voice was little "intense." I would say that I was just trying to talk directly. My voice may have been a little brassy.
While being talked down, Ramona put her little hand in front of my mouth to stop my reprimand (It is so cute when she does that.), but I kept on talking. Then her face crumpled up and she started crying and said, "Don't talk to me that way. You sound like a tiger and not like my mom."
It reminded me of two summers ago. My mom was "talking in that way" to me about my driving and it was making me mad. She said that she was being intense--direct--and that talking in "that way" was the only way to get me (and my dad and my brother) to listen to her (and in turn, change what we are doing). "Change us--huh?" I asked her, "Is that
working for you?" She has repeated to me the is-that-working-for-you line about once a
month since then.
Last night Phil and I were having a planning pow wow. He was put off by me, my eyebrows jumping around, and my notebook of important decisions to make. My intensity was putting him off and he told me so. I told him that this is me. This is who I am. What does he want me to do? I just want to "get something done." Is that working for me?
Is my tiger-talk working for me? Is Ramona's sassy, stomp your foot while you are speaking to make your point working for her? What does work?
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
This should be enough
I get caught up in wanting more.
I want more hours in the day. I want to be cleaner, neater, prettier, smarter, healthier. I want to "get more done," whatever that more might be. Among my friends, this sentiment seems to be rather normal.
This weekend I asked Phil if we would ever do something really great. It is somehow important to me to do something really great. He said that we may and he said that we may not. Then he reminded me that this should be enough.
At first I was aggravated at him. Doesn't he want more? Doesn't he think we're destined for great things? But I was wrong. This is a great thing and I look past this to more.
"This" is a family. A boy and a girl and a mom and a dad. A teacher who likes to bake and a doctor who likes to ride his bike.
This is enough.
I want more hours in the day. I want to be cleaner, neater, prettier, smarter, healthier. I want to "get more done," whatever that more might be. Among my friends, this sentiment seems to be rather normal.
This weekend I asked Phil if we would ever do something really great. It is somehow important to me to do something really great. He said that we may and he said that we may not. Then he reminded me that this should be enough.
At first I was aggravated at him. Doesn't he want more? Doesn't he think we're destined for great things? But I was wrong. This is a great thing and I look past this to more.
"This" is a family. A boy and a girl and a mom and a dad. A teacher who likes to bake and a doctor who likes to ride his bike.
This is enough.
Monday, June 11, 2007
King Burger
is what Ramona calls Burger King.
A balcony is a falcony in Ramonaese.
Cous cous is goose goose.
Molars are nolars, which she uses to chew goose goose.
In Ramonish, all meat is chicken and hurricanes and tornadoes are one in the same.
A balcony is a falcony in Ramonaese.
Cous cous is goose goose.
Molars are nolars, which she uses to chew goose goose.
In Ramonish, all meat is chicken and hurricanes and tornadoes are one in the same.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Summertime Plans
What to do? What to do?
Sometimes I can make things so complicated, so contrived. Planning seems to take more time than living. Plotting, researching, checking, conferring all under the umbrella or planning.
Ramona's got a plan.
An adult friend asked her today, "So now that you're done with school, what are your plans for the summer?"
She looked up at him blankly. Her expression betrayed a little confusion. The question wasn't what puzzled her, it was the fact that he had to ask. Isn't it obvious? Doesn't he know. She smiled politely and answered, "Play."
What a good reminder. We all need to play. Playing in more than recreation or projects or activities or vegging out. Playing is having the time to invent, pretend, and choose what you want to do and how you want to do it.
Sometimes I can make things so complicated, so contrived. Planning seems to take more time than living. Plotting, researching, checking, conferring all under the umbrella or planning.
Ramona's got a plan.
An adult friend asked her today, "So now that you're done with school, what are your plans for the summer?"
She looked up at him blankly. Her expression betrayed a little confusion. The question wasn't what puzzled her, it was the fact that he had to ask. Isn't it obvious? Doesn't he know. She smiled politely and answered, "Play."
What a good reminder. We all need to play. Playing in more than recreation or projects or activities or vegging out. Playing is having the time to invent, pretend, and choose what you want to do and how you want to do it.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Doing Less, Getting Absorbed
A few weeks ago, on one of Phil's call nights, I picked the kids up about 5PM, got them some pizza, ate the pizza on the go, and watched a short play back at my school. The kids liked the play, but by the time it was over, it was 7PM and we were tired. When we got home I realized that I was locked out and since I had locked myself out the day before and not returned the key to its hidden spot, I was really locked out. So, the kids and I climbed back into the car and headed for my in-laws to retrieve a extra key. This was nerve-racking because while they will not judge--they know me--but I will judge myself for being such a mess.
In the middle of all of this Sumner said, "Mom, why are you always so stressed."
I said, "I think I just have too many things to do."
Wisely, he said, "Why don't you do less?"
Since that day I have been looking forward to the summer so that I can do less. And I am (2 days in) doing less, yet I am still buzzing here and doing this and planning that project and making coffee dates with all of my friends that I have missed this year.
Yesterday after a slower day (Hogwarts camp, a trip to the library, visiting with a friend, swinging on out new swing, playing Pokemon with Phil, and a bike ride), Sumner asked me another wise questions, "Mom, can I have a few days this summer where I am at home and I can just get absorbed into things?"
Having the space to get absorbed instead of just dipping your toe in here or there. What a grand idea!
In the middle of all of this Sumner said, "Mom, why are you always so stressed."
I said, "I think I just have too many things to do."
Wisely, he said, "Why don't you do less?"
Since that day I have been looking forward to the summer so that I can do less. And I am (2 days in) doing less, yet I am still buzzing here and doing this and planning that project and making coffee dates with all of my friends that I have missed this year.
Yesterday after a slower day (Hogwarts camp, a trip to the library, visiting with a friend, swinging on out new swing, playing Pokemon with Phil, and a bike ride), Sumner asked me another wise questions, "Mom, can I have a few days this summer where I am at home and I can just get absorbed into things?"
Having the space to get absorbed instead of just dipping your toe in here or there. What a grand idea!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Catch Up
Since I started work last August my mind has not always been my own. I have always had an immediate deadline, crisis, student, teacher, or parent pressing in on me. I have had a shifting job description and thus my responsibilities and expectations of myself have been a moving target.
I have also been trying to figure out how to be The Mom I Want To Be in a new set of circumstances. It has not been easy. How can I best use my ever dwindling time with my children? This two-full-time-working parent thing is new to us. I know most parents have been doing it for years, but how? How can I parent from 6:00-8:00AM and 5:00-8:30PM (the hardest times of the day for all of us) and two weekend days a month? How do you parent a late-rising, wiry, wiggly, vocal sprite and an early-rising, sedate, brooding thinker under the same roof? Why can’t they be just a little more alike?
It was an accomplishment to make it through each day. I did some good work and I had some hard days. To make it, I have had a kind of headlight vision—I have been able to see only what is just up ahead. I concentrated on work while I was at work (the best I could) and while I was at home I concentrated on feeding my family, keeping them clean enough, and being kind to them (the best I could). I have been ignoring the laundry, aesthetic progress in my house, personal phone calls and emails, my blog, and piles and piles of stuff that cover nearly every counter and bookshelf in my house. I have triaged my emotions as well—dealing with the ones that bubble over and putting the others on the back burner. I have worried far too much about things that could not, just would not, get done. I have worried far too much about what other people are thinking about me. I have spent many evenings in front of the T.V. just to quiet my brain. I have stopped trying to get “enough” sleep and just tried to sleep when I could for as long as I could.
We have managed to make some friends and see old friends and be a part of an extended family.
Philip and I have coped during the tough months and reconnected in easier months. We have been too tired to talk many nights, but made sure to carve out time together when we could. There has been lots of grace.
And now, the summer is here. And I have a little space and a little time to get it together. Ahh, the elusive “together” that most moms I know strive for—even appear to be. Maybe, one day, we will catch up and actually be together instead of just playing at it. I am going to spend my summer trying.
I have also been trying to figure out how to be The Mom I Want To Be in a new set of circumstances. It has not been easy. How can I best use my ever dwindling time with my children? This two-full-time-working parent thing is new to us. I know most parents have been doing it for years, but how? How can I parent from 6:00-8:00AM and 5:00-8:30PM (the hardest times of the day for all of us) and two weekend days a month? How do you parent a late-rising, wiry, wiggly, vocal sprite and an early-rising, sedate, brooding thinker under the same roof? Why can’t they be just a little more alike?
It was an accomplishment to make it through each day. I did some good work and I had some hard days. To make it, I have had a kind of headlight vision—I have been able to see only what is just up ahead. I concentrated on work while I was at work (the best I could) and while I was at home I concentrated on feeding my family, keeping them clean enough, and being kind to them (the best I could). I have been ignoring the laundry, aesthetic progress in my house, personal phone calls and emails, my blog, and piles and piles of stuff that cover nearly every counter and bookshelf in my house. I have triaged my emotions as well—dealing with the ones that bubble over and putting the others on the back burner. I have worried far too much about things that could not, just would not, get done. I have worried far too much about what other people are thinking about me. I have spent many evenings in front of the T.V. just to quiet my brain. I have stopped trying to get “enough” sleep and just tried to sleep when I could for as long as I could.
We have managed to make some friends and see old friends and be a part of an extended family.
Philip and I have coped during the tough months and reconnected in easier months. We have been too tired to talk many nights, but made sure to carve out time together when we could. There has been lots of grace.
And now, the summer is here. And I have a little space and a little time to get it together. Ahh, the elusive “together” that most moms I know strive for—even appear to be. Maybe, one day, we will catch up and actually be together instead of just playing at it. I am going to spend my summer trying.
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