Ribs for Dinner

Tired of Being Alone, All Green

There is a phenomenon that I believe many co-parents are familiar with that I will call the Ribs-for-Dinner phenomenon. We will call these every parents the Home Parent and the Otherwise Occupied Parent. In the following situation several things are going on. It is not a regular weekday or even a regular weekend. This is a vacation scenario. The Home Parent can't wait to spend some extra family time with his or her children and the Otherwise Occupied Parent. He or she has been looking forward to sharing even more of the daily joys and burdens of parenting with his or her spouse. The Otherwise Occupied Parent is also all revved up to share the daily grid and the daily giggles. During routine weekdays and weekends the Otherwise Occupied Parent has complete faith, trust, and admiration for the Home Parent. He or she says thank you daily and alternately marvels "how do you do it?" and "you are doing a great job."

Then, the 24-7 togetherness begins. The OOP sees some suspect interactions between the HP and the children. Perhaps bribes are given or too much sugar is condoned or too much whining is tolerated. The OOP wants to jump in, help out, and give advice. The HP parent wants the back-up, but feels a little sensitive about the only thing he or she has really being working on--some little people that will never be a final product--being questioned in any way, shape, or form.

So here is how it may play out:

OOP: You just ordered Child X ribs for dinner?

HP: Yeah.

OOP: He isn't going to eat them.

HP: Really? I think he loves them.

OOP: I don't think so.

HP: He ate them that one time at Restaurant X.

OOP: I don't think he's going to eat them.

HP: He will.

OOP barely shakes his or her head.

HP smiles as if he or she isn't irritated.

What can you do? I guess (not that this has happened to me or anything) HP needs to let down his or her shield a little bit and the OOP needs to continuing trusting a little bit and then they run with it together.