Forget the stupid TV Show!

Money Girl, Kenneth Davis

I used one of the worst kid swears that a parent can use and I used it in anger and frustration. I said stupid.

Sumner outgrew his bike this morning, at least that is when Philip's mom realized that it was too small and that she'd like to do something about it. When had been planning to go shopping and so we added a bike to the list of boxer shorts and school uniforms and bathroom stool.

A few hours later, we finished lunch and struggled to get out the door. Sumner had already had some "screen time" on the computer and Ramona had just finished watching a show on PBS. She forgot to turn it off and Sumner, in a daze, wondered into the living room and plopped down in front of the TV minutes before I wanted to get him into the car. When I asked him to flip off the TV so we could go get A BRIGHT SHINING NEW BIKE, he wimpered and whined. I could not believe it. This was pathetic! I remeber vividly getting my 5-speed-blue-banana-seat bike (second hand) and a few years later the Christmas morning when I got another blue Schwin, this time a 10-speed with the upside down handlebars. Those were two great days and today was going to be another one of those days. Sumner wanted to watch Clifford.

I was pissed (mainly at other things) and I wanted Sumner to be pumped for this experience. He sighed and said he didn't want to go. That's when I said, not in a friendly-fun-sarcastic way but in an annoyed-mocking-seething-pissed way, "Forget the stupid TV show. You are getting a new bike today. Get your shoes on."

We got over this swear. I calmed; he got excited. We got school uniforms. We got boxers. We found an egg timer I had been wanting. No bathroom stool, but you can't win them all.

With several missions accomplished, we headed to the most hateful store on earth: Toys R Us. Going there is the pits. Going with your kids is hell. I would rather go to the beach without a lunch and deal with my kids while they wilt into a hungry mess than take them to Toys R Us with me. Most of the toys suck and the people who work there know less about the toys than my kids do. The store, like most stores (except for Target and Nordstrum's) is too full of stuff. But sometimes, there are times when they have the thing you need and you just have to suffer through it. So, we entered this hell.

They were having a 50%-off green tag sale. The bike are in the far corner of the store, but just across the threshold are a display of Bionicles (a Lego product boys of the 1970s just can't respect) and some Lego stuff. Sumner got stuck here and Ramona started to trying to learn to skateboard. My mother-in-law spotted Ramona and I started to move Sumner to the bikes. He could have cared less. A BRIGHT SHINING NEW BIKE? No, he asked if he could have a Bionicle. I said, "No, let's go checkout the BRIGHT SHINING NEW BIKE." No, he wanted to skip the bike and get the Bionicle, which was on sale for $ 3.99. "No, we're not here for this," I said, while finding myself roped into this excellent deal and plotting to buy some for birthday presents. So, my mother-in-law corraled the kids to the bikes and I saved myself some money by buying $20.00 of toys (regluarly priced at $ 40.00). I realize this is a ridiculous statement.

I found them in the bike section at the mercy of an employee who takes no pride in his job (probably because he gets not benefits, minimum wage, and shit from his manager). Why am I helping this company oppress him?, I thought. I pressed on. Sumner was trying 20in bikes, but his was barely tolerating it. 16in was too small. Then I saw that they have a few 18in bikes. Perfect fit. I asked Sumner what he thought. "Could I use some of the money I have saved, $ 3.03, to buy Toa Matau?," he asked. We were having different converations, possibly in different languages. I deduced that Toa Matau is a Bionicle. I could have screamed, "Forget the stupid Bionicle! We're buying you a BRIGHT SHINING NEW BIKE and it has flames on it. Get over yourself."

But I didn't. I realized that this is Sumner. He likes to ride his bike, but he REALLY likes to build things and he wants more pieces, more possiblities. So, I said, "Sure, you can pay me when we get home. Do you like this bike?" He smiled at me. He looked at the bike, able to focus on it for the first time. "Yeah," he said.

I picked up some training wheels and a pink basket to dress Sumner's old bike up for Ramona. Then I informed the underpaid employee I had been abrupt with already that they carried both of these items since he had just told me they didn't sell either.

We made it. Sumner loved Toa Matau. He build him in 2 minutes as soon as we got home. Ramona was a pleased a punch to get on the old bike with a new basket and bell and ride it before dinner. Sumner talked to his new creation in the living room by himself.

A dinner, Sumner mentioned casually to Phil that he'd like to try his bike first thing in the morning. I hope so, because it is A BRIGHT SHINING NEW BIKE!