Workshop

My friend Aarti and I were talking on the phone about lack of motivation tonight. We both get it pretty badly and it drags us down into a pit of despair. We both start chastising ourselves about not doing enough and not doing anything well. When she is down on herself it sound like pure ridiculousness, yet I hear myself saying some of the same things.

This afflicts me sometimes so severely that I can't get myself going to do the things I need to do and even the things I usually like to do feel like a chore. During these times my perfectionism takes hold of me. If I can't do things impeccably (keep a clean, clean house, write an excellent paper, spend stimulating and nurturing time with my family), I figure that I just shouldn't do them at all. I languish in my imperfections. Then I realize that there are things piling up for me to do and I panic. All of a sudden I can't prioritize: address Christmas cards or do dishes? Make a craft with the kids or call my mom back? Sleep in or go exercise? I get grouchy next. Everything bugs me--kids whining, husband teasing me, a driver swerving. I want to cry or scream about things that I should be a little more tough-skinned about.

One of the things Aarti and I were talking about was my blog. I told her that the motivation thing was really bad if I couldn’t get into blogging. An hour later she emailed me about this. Aarti, a teacher wrote:

This is how I see it. You have a Writer's Workshop in your blog. (One of the many things I "can't get over the getting started hump" on is starting my writer's notebook - for me and for my kids). You're always writing, and there are some pieces you are more satisfied with than others. Some you abandon (don't post). Some get through draft #1 or even #2. Some get a lot more attention than others and are at what we call the publishing. But the thing is, you are always writing. Not for the publishing, and not for every piece being a polished work. You write because you think like a writer (b/c you are one), you love writing, you have readers that love your work. So bravo. Thanks for sharing your writing.

Then it hit me. We both need to look at our lives as Life Workshop. I’m always living and there are parts of my life that I am more satisfied with than others. The parts of life that are bringing me down I have to abandon or overcome. Some parts of life I can work on to reach something close to perfection, but I will never reach it. The thing is, I am always living. I live because I am human and I want to have a full life and share it with people I love. So I have to get motivated and get living.

Mmm. Life as a workshop.