Do parents lie?

As summer turns to autumn, before we have even chosen our Halloween costumes, questions of Christmas are troubling my children.

Sumner asked me the other day if parents lie. I told him that parents do lie--some parents. I also asked him why he asked. He wanted to know the real truth about Santa. He said about half of his friends believe and half do not. I dodged the questions about Santa by asking him if he believes. He said he does. Maybe.

Tonight at dinner Sumner told us that he doesn't believe in magic, but he believes in Santa. He said that he thinks we put a ladder in our chimney for Santa to come down and that Santa has a jet sleigh. The reindeer aren't magic, they are robotic reindeer that look realistic. The elves are just "little people" who had plastic surgery on their ears. And the toys? Well, there's a machine with a "little bit of magic." When I mentioned that I think a little bit of magic is still magic, he protested and said that it is just "mechanical magic." The toys come from a giant thing with lots of parts and all of those parts can make up any kind of toy and the toys shoot out of the machine. Oh, and by the way, there is one girl toy-tester and one boy toy-tester waiting to test each gender specific toy as it pops out. But there's no real magic involved at all.

I was taking notes during the whole monologue. When Ramona realized that I was taking notes, she chimed in, "Santa is fat and old." When she saw fat and old on the page she told me to cross that out. She didn't mean that. I think she thinks fat and old are put-downs. Then she started dictating to me, slowly, so I would get it all down. It turns out Santa is very kind and he would be a good Lusher student and he likes and respects people a lot.

At this point Sumner interjected, "How does it all work?"

"I think his reindeer are beautiful. Some are girls and some are boys."

"How do they fly?" Sumner insisted.

"Well, fairy tales just trick us. They want us to think Santa isn't true. This is what happens. The reindeer just walk. I think Santa has magic and he puts it on his nose and his reindeer and his sleigh and it makes them shrink. Then they slide under the window. No, Mom, cross that out. They slide under the door."

Parents don't need to lie. They've got it all worked out.