What I Learned from Amy's Labor

My dear friend Amy labored for over 60 hours last Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and had a beautiful boy on February 19. I was with her and husband Marlow for about 50 of those hours. Amy and I have been there (or nearly there) for the major milestones in our lives from the time we were about 13. Those 50 hours are one of the greatest gifts she could have possible given to me.

Many things happened in that time and most of it will only be of interest to those of us who were there, but I know that part of my job is to remember this birth so that I can tell Elijah about it when no one else remembers, because I will.

I learned...

Patience is a virtue.

You can't get a six-pack of normal size Diet Cokes (they sell the little ones) at Rouse's and Amy's mother-in-law, Mimi, is being so careful as to not offend us-Louisianans about our ass-backwards ways that when she asked someone about why she couldn't get a regular sized six-pack, she didn't use the word normal.

Brittany thinks that Kevin slept with her mother, but she didn't. Brittany is paranoid.

Marlow eats a lot of sausage and tic tacs and prefers sausage to bacon and toast to grits.

Naomi was in labor for 36 hours, as was Anna. Mimi was 12 with the first, 6 with the second. My mom was in labor for 4 hours with her first. We should not mention these stories to Amy.

Labor can go one for more than 2 days and still not make the world record.

Rolly stools are for hospital staff.

Mimi prefers to call Rouse's Rouse because she doesn't like all of these commonly-misspelled possessive store names.

Marlow thinks that's fine as long as she realizes that that's not what the sign will say.

Marlow is not dogmatic about how to make a tuna melt, but Mimi and I agree he is about other things.

Drugs can make a contracting, tired lady sleep.

You can die of pants.

You can be beautiful in labor. Amy was not only graceful in pregnancy, but after 52 hours of labor she was still composed.

Bubba burgers don't have to be defrosted to be cooked.

Cannons is not crowded on Monday nights.

Marlow is really committed to Bikram yoga.

Mimi wants to be called Mema and CNO (Chief Nutritional Officer).

4 of the 5 Happy Baby S's are shushing, swaddling, side-jiggling, and swinging, but not in that order. The guy who invented these S's gets them right, but need to tear up a few phone books.

How to make a hearty sausage-squash-kale (minus that kale) soup and it is easy to make German brick bread.

Mimi likes to know what's going to happen next in a movie.

Marlow gave up sweets for Lent and I gave up giving up alcohol for one day during labor.

You can get warm muffins at 6AM at Oschner.

Amy is a champion. So is Marlow.

The cleanest place to sleep in a waiting room is under the T.V.

"Eye of the Tiger" and "I Would Walk 500 Miles" are good labor songs.

Labor is labor.

Childbirth is one of the only things that makes Erika effusive and quick to return calls.

I want to write.

I am one of Amy's people.