Why don't doctors listen?

Friday night I posted a blog that was the longest to date. Saturday morning I took it down. Basically it was a very long and gruesome history of my hormonal ups and downs from the time I was 15. It was not my best writing; it was a little gross. I was working through some things as I wrote it. I do know that a few of you read it and that it ended with a "to be continued". Just talk to me personally and we can discuss.

The one story I set out to tell in that blog (and never got to because I got stuck giving background) was about a visit to the doctor's office I had on Friday. I have had bad experiences with hormonal birth control: various types of the pill and the patch. So about 9 months ago I decided to get an IUD, with only topical hormones. For the first few months this form of birth control worked great, but over the last three months I have been extremely tired during the last two weeks of my cycle. So tired I have had a hard time just getting done the things I need to do. I have also become moodier. This month I also have felt a little sick to my stomach. These are all side effects I have experienced with other types of birth control. I also was finding that a lot of my hair seemed to be falling out when I washed it, brushed it, or put it in a ponytail. This was new.

So, I made an appointment to see my ObGyn doctor. I told her how I was feeling. She told me that she did not think these symptoms were from the IUD. She testified that she puts three of these in a week and that only one other patient has ever complained of side effects: breast tenderness and moodiness from Patient X. She told me that she checked with the makers of the IUD and that we, Patient X and I, should not be experiencing any side effects with this IUD. I don't know what "maker" she spoke to, but at www.mirena.com it lists all the side effects I have mentioned except for hair loss and tiredness. Those side effects ARE listed at www.familydoctor.com and www.mayclinic.com.

In an effort to appease me she said, "Why don't we check your progesterone level, your thyroid, and to see if you may be pregnant?" She also told me that she didn't think we would find anything out of the ordinary. Thyroid was a good thing to check just in case my hair loss was legit and may be related to a change in my thyroid. With her other patient, her progesterone level was normal. She doubted that mine will test abnormal. Then I asked, "What about pregnancy?" She said it is very, very unlikely that I am pregnant (www.mirena.com claims that the IUD is 99.9% effective). Then she advised me to keep the mirena in until next week, when the tests come back.

As an after thought, she told me that if I wanted it out, she would take it out. Every bone in her body was advising me to do otherwise.

I went and had my blood drawn. I did not feel good. The nausea was frustrating and irritating, but I could handle feeling a little queasy. But extreme exhaustion is not easy to deal with when you have two little children and a medical student husband to keep up with. It is not really an option to nap and sleep 8 hours a night and still be tired. Moodiness is also not really an option. I think it is hard for a lot of people to understand what I mean by moodiness. It is something that comes over me and it is beyond my control.

Take for instance the other day. On my dresser I found an address label from the Humane Society with the name Rosie Kamal on it. Rosie and her husband Sajed teach at my children's preschool, The Corner Coop. No doubt I love Corner Coop and my family has been and continues to be nurtured by Rosie and Sajed in an amazing way. But when I saw this label, which Ramona probably used while doing an art project at school, I got all choked up thinking: one day (gulp) we will have to say good-bye to Rosie and Sajed (sniff) and that is going to be (cry face forming) hard. Then my voice of reason realizes, "Yeah, but not for at least a year!! Get a grip." A crying fit avoided, moments later I am ready to pour milk on Ramona's head when she uses her regular (and quite squeaky) voice to say, "Would someone pour me some milk?" I am thinking: And who, Ramona, you demanding little CHILD, might that someone BE? Me. Me. ME. I am nothing but your milk-pourer, the martyr and doormat for my family. I know, after or even as I am experiencing this, that I am feeling irrational things. It makes me crazy. If you can't recall what it was like to be at the mercy of your hormones as a teenager or pregnant lady, this may be hard to understand. I want to be Zen about things, but I feel on edge. I hate feeling like I am teetering on the edge of an outburst.

So, as my blood was being drawn I was on the verge of tears, again. It wasn't the needle or the friendly manner of the woman drawing it. It was that I felt my body was telling me that something was not right. It was that I wanted to do something to make myself feel better or feel that I was making progress to feeling better. I thought taking the IUD out might help, as stopping hormonal birth control had helped before. I had a lump in my throat because it is frustrating to not fit into the clinical experience of my doctor, and thus be made to feel like an oddity. Since three very unlikely explanations were given for how I was feeling and no other ideas floated or promised to be generated, I felt a little angry--gypped. Did my doctor think I was crazy? Did she think I was making these things up? Does she think I was describing symptoms that were just par for the mama course? Did she not hear me when I said that these symptoms were different from my baseline?

I will never know, but I had to trust myself. I went back into her office and asked to see her again. The bottom line is: I felt uncomfortable with the IUD. I was pretty sure it was affecting me. I needed to take it out.

As I write this, it is two days later. My energy has returned. I do not feel queasy. I am a little moody still. We'll see where that goes. Tomorrow I will get the blood test back and see if any of my "numbers" are not in the normal range. I am happy that I listen to my body and I just wish that my doctor had listened to me.